Is There Freedom in Marriage?
Is There Freedom in Marriage?
I see so many people in pain in their marriage and I wonder why. Is it a generational curse, meaning something they have grown up with and can't get out of their head? Is it the “perfect image” of relationships portrayed on tv where first they meet and then have sex and then decide if they like the person? Is it the fear of being vulnerable and being rejected or being lied to or even worse? Where is the freedom in marriage? Free to be ourselves and do what we want without getting hurt...freedom to love and truly receive it back...freedom to be beautiful and to feel whole?
When we grow up with pain and loss, we think we are going to be the opposite of that and live happily. We see things that we should never see as a kid, and wish we could lash out, but we might get slapped into place, or maybe we feel totally alone like no one “gets us”. There are generational curses in families, things passed down from our parents to us and instead of giving it to God, we have to be tough and can't let go of self pride. We have to fight our thoughts of anger at our parents, but we are so familiar with these thoughts that they had and it plays in our mind over and over. We end up the same way that our parents did because we can’t see the light. We are stuck in bondage of other people's behavior and don’t know how to get out. We must decide whether to run and “be free” or stay and live with this story of the past replaying in our minds. Then we just pray to God that our kids don’t end up the same way. We pray that no one sees our pain.
The TV version of marriage and relationship is so wrong. It is based on lust and good looks, good body shape, sexy hair. We see the beautiful images before us and think, “I can be like that” or “I can have it all while I’m trying to figure out who I am” or “I can use this person to get what I want and walk away to decide if I want to continue to pursue this relationship.” The thoughts continue, “I don’t really need this person, but I just want them to fulfill my needs for a while and still be independent, (no ties to the relationship, no commitment, just lust and animalistic behavior) knowing I can leave this relationship any time I want and be free…”
Being vulnerable to a person you are in a relationship with is difficult. It takes a lot of time. It requires friendship first and developing trust. It is loving that person through the good, bad, and ugly. That person will disappoint you. They will fail you. You will fail them too and might not be able to live up to their expectations, as well as your own. They will never satisfy you completely no matter how hard you try. So why try…
God doesn’t want us to live in pain, having false expectations, and to live in fear of rejection. He wants us to live in HIM. In Christ, we are a new creation, the past is gone and behold all things are new. He wants us to look at Jesus as an example. Did Jesus have it all together? Of course He did! We hear that He never sinned, but was His life happy???? I'm sure when He fed the 5,000 He had a good feeling and when He healed the sick He probably got a satisfaction that we could only dream of. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life.” When we live in Him and love Him first, He is the one that gives us freedom, not a person, not a relationship, and not our work. He gives us freedom to live without condemnation. There is no condemnation for those who live in Christ Jesus...We don’t have to live under the curse of our past. We can walk in freedom loving Him and growing in Him, surrendering to Him.
When we walk with Christ, we want to do what is right because we love Him, not because we feel guilt that we have to be good. We want to show love to others. We throw away all wrath and evil desires and put on Love...this is a giving love not a selfish love. It doesn’t demand its own way, but it gives freely because of what He did, not what we do. We don’t have to work to look better and be fake to try to get what we want. We give it all up and let Him be in charge...We are His servants. But wait, how can we be His servant and live in freedom? Galatians 5:1 “Christ has truly set us free so walk in freedom so we don’t get caught up in the slavery of the law.” Romans 6:14 “.Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.” I learned this phrase a long time ago, “God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense”. We can't earn grace or deserve it, but it is all because of His love for us that we should embrace His gift and show His love and grace to others. When we truly let go of our past and our false expectations that others can satisfy us, we can live by the Holy Spirit. We produce the Fruit of the Spirit that He wants...Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Goodness, Kindness, Gentleness and Self Control. Living in the Spirit becomes natural and satisfying.
But what about the pain? We play over in our mind phrases like this, “I tried to be vulnerable and show love, but I got kicked in the side.” Look to Jesus…He was rejected by everyone except his mama and one friend. He poured into people His whole life and still gave more, even to death on the cross. Wow, His death was to forgive us of our sins. It was His path of pain and anguish so we can give our pain to Him and leave it at the cross. We can live in freedom with HIM, receive Him as our Savior, Lord, Master, comforter, counselor. He is the one that wants all of us. When we give Him all of our pain, He shows us how to live, love, and give without expecting anything in return. We don’t have to accept the lies of satan. Satan wants to steal, kill and destroy, but God wants to give new life and peace. He is our substance, what gives us life, not our spouse or partner. He can teach us how to listen to Him and walk in His love which is beyond our understanding. He can teach us how to forgive like He did, not expecting anything in return. When we are forgiven and vulnerable in Him, we can do what is right even when it hurts. We can live in freedom even when we are crushed.
2 Corinthians 4:8 “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. It isn’t easy, but living for Jesus is the best way to live and be free. He wants to be our best friend and when we get our relationship right with Him, our other relationships will change too.
In this New life with Christ, we walk in freedom and Love. We give 100% in our marriage even when we get nothing in return. How do we survive giving all of ourselves? It is that river of living water with the Holy Spirit flowing through us. He is our sustenance, our strength, our song, our light, and our life. He will pour into us so we can pour into others. Phil 2:3 “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.”
Walk in Love and freedom with your spouse and give love without restraint, without regret. When you feel vulnerable and defeated, ask God to forgive you and that person along with the offender. Show love the way Jesus Christ showed love. Be an example for others and for your children so the generational curse is broken and Jesus will give you a new heart every day filled up with Him, shaken up and poured out for others to see Him through you.
God Bless You as you live in freedom with Him.
With the Love of the Lord,
Susan Holly